Today my morning pages reflected on New Year’s Eve, and the sort of societal and psychological trappings that come along with streamers, glitter, booze, and noisemakers. NYE often carries with it such a strange brew of hype, regret, nostalgia, hope, and indigestion. In the distant past my NYE used to be laden with beginnings and endings and it was a little messy. (Anecdotally, I know it’s not the best night for those who have untended goblins lurking in their psyche. The fallout to those around you can get a little nasty too, so don’t be selfish in any misguided quest for liberation!). It’s the ultimate night of “I should have been” or “I have to do”. It’s weighty! It’s almost like the entire world is having a high school reunion in a 24 hour period. Thanks but no thanks! American culture is kind of conditioned to have this one night of excess and atone for it the rest of January. Those who resist (like myself) have a different experience that is not reflected in the culture at large.
In honor of a more gentle and moderate way to ring in the new year, I have turned my experience around and made my NYE individual, quiet, intimate, and sane. The last couple days have been very internal, a gathering of energy and conscious planning. I have processed 2009. I strive to live consciously each day, so the new year doesn’t feel like an avalanche. Still, I came across some bumpy, gnarled places in my life. I consciously and gently addressed them. A crowded room, while drunk, is not usually the most gracious place to bump into your deeper self. Especially if it’s cranky from neglect!
Here is what I wish someone had told me when I began this decade began 10 years ago: “You have a lifetime to be who you want to be, and a good time to start is now. Even so, don’t pressure yourself to make this one night the symbol of a year or a life. Don’t give in to the temptation to sort out a whole year and a whole decade tonight while bloated on mini-quiches and cosmos. It’s just one night. Give yourself the gift of mindful and honest reflection. And don’t be scared of what you find.”
Coming into 2010, I feel clear and prepared and inherently ready. I’m grateful I had the opportunity for deeply satisfying and productive reflection. The last decade has been good to me. I’ve been good to myself and will continue to be present for myself, through thick and thin.
For tonight, have fun, laugh, and be gentle with yourself.
